So, I've been in Eugene since Monday, and I really haven't seen much off of campus. But, I'm starting to be able to find my way around within the university. Walking around today I knew I had Freshman eyes, as big as saucers, but I was learning, and that's got to happen for a while until I udnerstand what I'm doing.
Life is awkward. Everything is new, and confusing, and there is so much information at once. After hearing the girls on my floor talk, I feel like a square because I don't drink or smoke or really party and I'm into God. This is the time where I stop and remind myself that it pays off in the long run to be who I am. That everyone is knew and I do get respected, even if people don't think I'm cool. I'll make and find friends. They won't all believe the same things I will, but we can still be friends, and I'll make friends I can share my thoughts and beliefs with, and learn and appreciate theirs.
In the meantime, I'm not going to fret. I'm going to be chill, pray and keep moving forward one day at a time. I'll focus on losing the Freshman eye look, with saucers in the place of optical lenses on my face. Life is good, and it will all work out.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Get Ready, Get Set.....And Wait
I am nearing the end of a truly amazing summer. In the past several months I've been blessed with some amazing experiences, and have gotten to make new friends from all over the country. I just want to share a few examples:
I went to church camp at Camp Connelly outside of Powell Butte for the first time ever, as a part of the youth leadership team. It was an amazing six days, with so much love, laughter, pranks, "family" and God. It filled me up and continues to be a source of strength.
The next month I flew across the country to Tennessee, for the Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) National Convention, and the National Institute on Cooperative Education (NICE). At FBLA I competed in Job Interview, and unfortunately didn't make it past the preliminary round. But, the highlights of that adventure included going to the Nashville Parthenon, where Percy Jackson and the Olympians was filmed, seeing the Charlie Daniels Band preform at the Grand Ole Opry, and a delicous pulled-pork sandwhich from Hog Heaven. At NICE, I was one of two students from Oregon, and, along with learning and experiencing much from the conference, I got to compete in the Outstanding Youth Scholar Competition. I am proud to say that I not only made finals, but won, and am the Outstanding Female Youth Scholar, representing all coops on the nation. And while that was a high light, the best part of NICE was getting to meet new friends, in a smaller setting, playing Mao and in our Stu-Cos, and of course, Dollywood. AAAAAA!
Most recently, I went on a family camping trip. As my mom put it, picture "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", up in the woods, and you have our family. It was a wonderful way to spend my birthday, surrounded by people I love, having a great time. It's always special to spend time witht the babies of the family while they are so young, because I can't help but remember how fast time goes.
So now, I'm back at home. I've found a job, for the next month, doing some office work before I leave for school. It can't go fast enough. I recieved my dorm information from U of O about a week ago, (I'm in Walton) and I was ready to pack up and go then! It's been a challenge being in the middle of who I've been, as a kid, and soon to be an adult, headed off to college. I've been a little insecure, and unsure, trying to figure it all out. Days go by though, some where I think I know what I'm doing, others when I don't. Great friends and family have been a big help though, as I'm sure they'll continue to be when this strange little duck finally leaves the nest.
Until then... Sunshine!
I went to church camp at Camp Connelly outside of Powell Butte for the first time ever, as a part of the youth leadership team. It was an amazing six days, with so much love, laughter, pranks, "family" and God. It filled me up and continues to be a source of strength.
The next month I flew across the country to Tennessee, for the Future Business Leaders of America (FBLA) National Convention, and the National Institute on Cooperative Education (NICE). At FBLA I competed in Job Interview, and unfortunately didn't make it past the preliminary round. But, the highlights of that adventure included going to the Nashville Parthenon, where Percy Jackson and the Olympians was filmed, seeing the Charlie Daniels Band preform at the Grand Ole Opry, and a delicous pulled-pork sandwhich from Hog Heaven. At NICE, I was one of two students from Oregon, and, along with learning and experiencing much from the conference, I got to compete in the Outstanding Youth Scholar Competition. I am proud to say that I not only made finals, but won, and am the Outstanding Female Youth Scholar, representing all coops on the nation. And while that was a high light, the best part of NICE was getting to meet new friends, in a smaller setting, playing Mao and in our Stu-Cos, and of course, Dollywood. AAAAAA!
Most recently, I went on a family camping trip. As my mom put it, picture "My Big Fat Greek Wedding", up in the woods, and you have our family. It was a wonderful way to spend my birthday, surrounded by people I love, having a great time. It's always special to spend time witht the babies of the family while they are so young, because I can't help but remember how fast time goes.
So now, I'm back at home. I've found a job, for the next month, doing some office work before I leave for school. It can't go fast enough. I recieved my dorm information from U of O about a week ago, (I'm in Walton) and I was ready to pack up and go then! It's been a challenge being in the middle of who I've been, as a kid, and soon to be an adult, headed off to college. I've been a little insecure, and unsure, trying to figure it all out. Days go by though, some where I think I know what I'm doing, others when I don't. Great friends and family have been a big help though, as I'm sure they'll continue to be when this strange little duck finally leaves the nest.
Until then... Sunshine!
Thursday, July 15, 2010
Eugene Adventure
So, it's been a while since my latest college adventure, but I this is the story, for all the Universe to see. I finally eased my mind of the worry about never having been to the U of O, even though that's where I'll be starting this fall. So, my family and I took a roadtrip up to Eugene.
It was a blast. Not only was it a great time to bond with family, it put my mind so at ease. I feel like my worry has almost totally melted away. I've been all over campus, met people that I'll be interacting with next year, and had a tour by a family friend who used to be a student there. The one thing that really let me know that I'll be at home though, was that when it was time to head off to see some family, I didn't want to leave. The campus already felt like home.
Of course, being on campus I finallly understood what people mean when they say, that's Eugene for you! Some illustrations:
If you look colosely, you can see that yes, there is in fact a garden gnome riding atop that suburban
The gargoyle for what I believe is the physics building... and then my very favorite of all...
No dog, no bikes, no skateboards and NO beavers!!!
Go U of O!!!
Sunday, June 6, 2010
If you really knew me...
This is a phrase we use a lot in Challenge Day, it lets us express our truth of what it’s like to be who we are, where we are. It is a sign of trust, because in sharing whatever it is that follows an “if you really knew me” is something below the water line, and letting the other person see what is usually hidden from others’ view.
I have been thinking hard about this blog, and what I wanted it to be. I saw two real options, I could either keep it on the surface level, writing about things that really don’t get deeper than an average conversation, or I can give a glimpse into what it is like to be me, right now. I decided to take the more difficult and vulnerable path in letting you all see the real me. After all, my light, the light of God, cannot shine if I hide it under a bucket, and I cannot do good in this world if I am not first good to myself, no hiding.
So, here it goes:
If you knew me, if you really really knew me, you’d know that I am more scared now than I can ever remember being at any point before in my life. Everything is changing, and I am overwhelmed and confused. It is to the point where I don’t even know what I don’t know. I am scared.
If you really knew me, you’d know that I have my good days, like always, but I also have my bad days. Life is like a rollercoaster, and often I’m up and down on the same day, which leaves me even more confused. When I’m up, I’m excited for this new adventure, and ready to get going with my own life. I feel good about how far I’ve come, and confident about moving forward. When I’m down, I’m scared to leave, uncertain about what is awaiting me, and not sure if I can make it out there. I already miss my family and the life that I know. I am scared, and then I am ashamed at myself for being scared. Usually, I do not let myself be so afraid; I can control my emotions and be positive. It makes me feel weak that I simply cannot.
If you really knew me, you’d know that what I need now is not someone to fix me. What I need are people who love me enough to hold space for me, who are ok with me not being ok. My parents and friends have been great about this, and I am incredibly grateful.
Throughout everything, the little normal things are what hold me together. I went for a run yesterday, out in the country, where it’s open. This morning, I went to morning mass, which, if you really knew me, was kind of intimidating, because I haven’t been in so long. And even though it was different, it felt good. But normal stuff, talking with a friend, and with an old teacher, following my friends to WalMart. The normal stuff makes life make sense. At least for now.
So now, you know, you really know me.
I have been thinking hard about this blog, and what I wanted it to be. I saw two real options, I could either keep it on the surface level, writing about things that really don’t get deeper than an average conversation, or I can give a glimpse into what it is like to be me, right now. I decided to take the more difficult and vulnerable path in letting you all see the real me. After all, my light, the light of God, cannot shine if I hide it under a bucket, and I cannot do good in this world if I am not first good to myself, no hiding.
So, here it goes:
If you knew me, if you really really knew me, you’d know that I am more scared now than I can ever remember being at any point before in my life. Everything is changing, and I am overwhelmed and confused. It is to the point where I don’t even know what I don’t know. I am scared.
If you really knew me, you’d know that I have my good days, like always, but I also have my bad days. Life is like a rollercoaster, and often I’m up and down on the same day, which leaves me even more confused. When I’m up, I’m excited for this new adventure, and ready to get going with my own life. I feel good about how far I’ve come, and confident about moving forward. When I’m down, I’m scared to leave, uncertain about what is awaiting me, and not sure if I can make it out there. I already miss my family and the life that I know. I am scared, and then I am ashamed at myself for being scared. Usually, I do not let myself be so afraid; I can control my emotions and be positive. It makes me feel weak that I simply cannot.
If you really knew me, you’d know that what I need now is not someone to fix me. What I need are people who love me enough to hold space for me, who are ok with me not being ok. My parents and friends have been great about this, and I am incredibly grateful.
Throughout everything, the little normal things are what hold me together. I went for a run yesterday, out in the country, where it’s open. This morning, I went to morning mass, which, if you really knew me, was kind of intimidating, because I haven’t been in so long. And even though it was different, it felt good. But normal stuff, talking with a friend, and with an old teacher, following my friends to WalMart. The normal stuff makes life make sense. At least for now.
So now, you know, you really know me.
Monday, May 31, 2010
an experiment
So, inspired by my friend Kelsea D, I finally got a blog. This will be an experiment, in finding my voice, in understanding my world. It's about to take a radical change, from a sheltered high school student, to college and being on my own for the first time. I'm a thinker, and with this blog, I invite you into my world, to think and see with me... to experiment.
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